Off Coffee

And I feel off-ee.

I gave up coffee for lent, and I have been doing well with it. It felt really good, after the few days of morning headaches, to be honest again with my body and recognize feelings--I actually allow myself to feel tired again. I am also a little slower and more mellow. I am glad to not be addicted to something that became way too comfortably a part of my everyday and an energy boost when I skimped out on sleep or had a dragging afternoon. But. I miss it. Especially on a Monday morning when I hit the snooze button for forty-five minutes. It doesn't help, too, when I am leaving the office to run an errand and a co-worker asks me to bring back coffee. Or to be treated to coffee as a surprise and not be able to drink it. Or to smell it brewing in every office but mine. I wouldn't say that it's genuine temptation because I have already made up my mind that I won't break this coffee fast; it's more so disappointing. Why must we give up things that we love so much, even for a time?

When we talked about lent several weeks ago, John Michael said that lent is like addition through subtraction. In giving up something (subtraction), we are able to gain the time and/or resources to develop a new habit or space in our lives (addition) for something more reflective and honoring to God. Sometimes it feels like a lot of subtraction. Maybe what we gain from denying ourselves the things that compete for our time and focus is unmeasurable and slippery. Maybe we practice discipline to keep ourselves in check and in places of vulnerablility where we can only humbly accept our limits and rely on God in new ways. Maybe giving things up and adding better things--a few more minutes for prayer each morning, a newfound appreciation for herbal things, and a slower pace--can teach us to trust God with things we otherwise thought we could handle on our own. I am apt to take back what I give up, which maybe is why it's important to step back, reevaluate, and reflect on actions and intentions again and again, however small.

One would think I gave up air, the way I am talking about sacrifice here. No. I miss my one cup of coffee a day, but I will sip herbal tea and be thankful for the coming of Spring and sleep earlier and appreciate my slower speed and rely on the joy of the Lord, which really is strength. Especially on Monday mornings.