Spring has returned. The Earth is like a child who knows poems.
rm rilke
It, indeed, has returned. Last night was my first sleep under the stars this year. I am anticipating many more dewy, conversation-filled nights to come, both before and after the date that marks the next major transition of my life: graduation.
Graduation, in theory, excites me. I love change. I love celebrating accomplishments with friends. I love life moments and endings. I love that graduation also means that my senior thesis will be DONE and out of my hands.
Reasons graduation doesn’t excite me might include that it’s the ending of something so wonderful. It feels final. It feels like there’s no turning back. It feels like I’ll be a grown-up now (riiiight) and I’ll have to make important life decisions from now on. However, the number one reason I am not excited about graduation is because I have no plan. Yes, it’s true. Desiree, who plans and doesn’t waste time to take advantage of time and great opportunities, has no plan.
It was maybe going to be MCC SALT. Then it was maybe going to be Thailand. Then it was maybe going to be staying in Harrisburg, living with people I love and sticking with what I know. Then it was going to be Church World Service in Lancaster.
Now it’s [insert your idea of what I should do]. I feel neither guidance nor direction. I have moments of incredible peace and other times of extreme discontentment and I neither move forward nor feel able to do so. It is likely I will be volunteering with MVS next year, but I am waiting to hear back from two other job opportunities. So I am waiting, because that’s what this place and this time requires of me. Waiting. How predictable.
I will rejoice in waiting, however, because there is much to rejoice in around me! All of my housemates have some very promising next years: Teach for America, Brethren Volunteer Service, MCC, jobs at the Capitol, new relationships, weddings, and traveling overseas. I am so glad there are things to celebrate.
Also glorious weather and cherry blossoms and road-trip plans and silent retreat prospects. Glad for spring, the earth, children, and poems. I’ll be gladder still to have a plan sometime in the nearer future.
