A few days ago, I had to take a Conflict Style Inventory to figure out what approach I resort to when conflicts arise. We finished the not-as-interesting ethics part of Social Conflict, Justice & Peacemaking and now we are moving onto understanding conflict and how to deal with it. I am typically a little hesitant to believe all of the things that people like Myers & Briggs and Carl Jung have to say about my personality type because I don't really like the idea of categories. I like even less the idea of trying to find labels for ourselves. Surprisingly, taking the Conflict Style Inventory turned out to be a really interesting (perhaps important) experience.
The five major options for conflict approaches were Directing (high focus on getting across your point, low focus on the relationship), Avoiding (low focus on getting across your point, low focus on the relationship), Compromising (medium focus on getting across your point and maintaining the relationship), Harmonizing (low focus on getting across your point, high focus on the relationship), and Cooperating (high focus on getting across your agenda, high focus on the relationship). This, of course, is a simplistic version of the different approaches but I thought they were interesting enough to post them here. What conflict style are you?
I learned that I am a Harmonizer, which mostly means that when conflicts arise, I tend to go with the flow, so as not to ruffle feathers or hurt feelings. When conflicts persist, I don't back down and continue to try to placate the situation without upsetting the other person involved. They even predicted that I'm the type of person who says things like “sure, I'm flexible”, and “whatever you want is fine with me” - how true! While the inventory talked about situations in which this is a good approach to use, I am recognizing how much this approach fails and can lead to serious problems in relationships. Going with the flow is my style, which isn't an issue when I'm dealing with things that aren't incredibly important, but it not only leads to me repressing my thoughts and feelings on bigger things, but also deprives the other person a fair chance of explaining theirs. This is huge while I'm living in community. This is also huge as I try to be more intentional in my relationships. Have I been robbing you of a chance to explain your side of a conflict with me?
Suffice it to say, I'm getting better at conflict (if there is such a thing as getting better at conflict). Who wants to have a conflict with me? :)
