soggy and pensive

I think everyone has seasons of fog, phases of going through the motions that makes life seem predictable and frustratingly normal. I've had those all my life. But in these last few days, everything that is happening before me, around me, inspite of me has become increasingly real and sharp, appealing to all of my senses. I feel like I am especially sensitive to things, conscious of life happening around me, stimulated by what used to be ordinary. Something is fresh. I don't know what.

I visited Messiah for homecoming this past weekend, ran around from person to person, place to place, temporarily adopting my life from last year in which I was spread thin, trying to be everything for everyone (and then some). That same rush, that same energy I get from having more people to love than I can possibly make time for in a span of a twenty-four hour day reminds me of how profoundly humbled I am to be surrounded, supported, loved in spite of myself.

I went to a rally last night for the Not For Sale Campaign (an abolitionist movement I've been tracing for the last nine months). They finally visited Philly and I was, once again, powerfully impacted by their passion for justice in human trafficking. Something that was born in me this summer when I was in Thailand was ignited once more last night, and I have been grappling with thoughts that give me chills, having purposeful conversations with people that make me gasp a little, repeatedly being fascinated by the way things are unfolding before me and giving credit to the One who is orchestrating all this.

I've positioned myself in front of a rain-streaked window looking out onto Broad Street as lights turn green, yellow, red, car wheels rev and spew water everywhere, soaked students run from one place to another, romantic couples huddle under umbrellas waiting for the bus, everything is shiny and wet and new. Only hours earlier, I was soggy, rushing from class to my internship to a meeting to my room where I gladly changed into dry sweatpants and sipped chai. And I've concluded: It would be absolutely miserable to have no home on a night like tonight.

And I've concluded: I have nothing to complain about. In reality, I never did.