tired, rested.

I fought my alarm all week this week; there were too many 5 o’clock mornings that followed late nights. I thought a lot about God’s faithfulness, in my early morning stupor and my late night fog, even in my middle-of-the-night impulse to get up and start the day. Each moment I thought that I would surely fall over if I tried to stand up –-some time in the middle of the next day when my full-blown exhaustion hit--was followed closely by another moment in which I felt surrounded, carried, supported.

I came home completely spent one day, with a full evening ahead, and was met with a long letter from a friend who lives far away. Her words rested and strengthened me.

I came home exhausted another day, fully prepared to make dinner for friends, but I collapsed on the floor in my alcove instead and accidentally fell asleep. For one who never takes naps (ever!), this caught me by surprise. But when I woke, realizing I had far less time to prepare before others would be coming, Josh was knocking on the door to wonder if he could make dinner for us tonight. His offer offered such relief; God, through Josh, lifted me.

I sat exhausted at my desk yesterday afternoon, fully prepared to get caught up on online training when one of my residents came in and burst into tears; she had a broken heart and could I listen to her for a bit? Of course I could listen (but how actively? and could I share in her despair, pray with, encourage her also?) A small plea for help ushered in the Spirit that prays and speaks and encourages, even in spite of exhaustion, even in spite of heartbreak—perhaps especially because of exhaustion and heartbreak. I felt grateful that in my moment of need and hers, the Holy Spirit cared for us.

Maybe these times of exhaustion and depletion put us on our knees so we are in better positions to surrender, to acknowledge that anything we say/do doesn’t come from our own strength or emotional reserves, to worship the One who is all-faithful and all-knowing in our weakness. Maybe it’s on our knees that we can best come in our weariness to the One whose yoke is easy and whose burden is light, who is gentle and humble in heart. Maybe that's where Christ's power is made perfect.

I feel tired from another long work weekend, but I feel rested in my Spirit, rested on my knees.