alone on a friday night

"Where is [insert names of all my friends in the Greater Harrisburg Area here]?" she asked me. It’s Friday night. After work, I rewarded myself for successfully finishing the first week on the job with a latte and a two-hour chunk of undistracted writing time at a little cafe. I relish rare evenings with no commitments like these. And then I decided to visit Myint Mu, my inspiration most days, my encouragement always. She was not at her home, although the boys were, so I knew there were only a handful of places she could be. Just as I was pulling away, I saw her shadow riding a bike toward me, with a bag from the corner store on the handlebar. It had been a while; I was really happy to see her.

We chit-chatted for a while before she ushered me into her home, demanding that I eat something she wanted to cook for me. That's when she asked me why I was alone on a Friday night. I explained the whereabouts of most of my friends, and then she asked me: “What is the date? What is date mean?” Her perceptiveness surprised me. It was then that I realized that about 80% of my world was on a date. Myint Mu inquired about all males in my life and I assured her that she would be one of the first to know if I was ever “in love like the movie”, as she says it. Till then, I’ll write and visit refugee friends for my date nights.

After a whole host of weddings this summer, with more dear friends getting hitched soon, several others starting relationships, and a select few becoming more committed to their significant others, my thoughts once again turn to this incredible gift of singleness. I suppose there was a time in my life when I believed that singleness was something people had to “deal with” before the right person came along. I am timid to admit that I also used to believe in the fairy-tale kind of love (“love like the movie” maybe), in which there was one person for every person. I have spent my share of days grumbling about my singleness, but in recent years--on most [not all] days of those years--I have embraced singleness as a gift to celebrate, because having more time and love to give to others is something worth celebrating. (The societal pressures and general discontentment of several single people, too, got to me.) Here I am, twenty-two, with a few blips on the radar in the past several years, dates I can count on my hands, an occasional interest/frustration, and a very full life. I am alone sometimes, but I’m rarely lonely. I don’t have someone who crosses contexts with me and can hold my hand through the many transitions, but I have lots of friends and family who know and love me in various contexts. I’ve never been in love, but I am loved and supported by my community. Every once in a while, it’s good to be reminded of the things we lack, that they may point us to the things we have in abundance.

So, Myint Mu and the world to which I am broadcasting this, although I don’t have a boyfriend and I generally don’t go on dates these days, I will spend gladly my free hours with you any day. I am thankful for her friendship, and the friendships of so many others--blessings I count again and again.

“I hope for you a good luck and a good boyfriend,” Myint Mu tells me, regardless. “Now, Desirah has busy. No time for boyfriend. You are strong lady.” See what I mean? Usually my inspiration, always my encouragement.