home [bitter] sweet home

I am home.

And as good as it feels to be in a familiar place where I recognize faces and people know mine, it also feels incredibly strange and a little overwhelming to be here. My experiences in Thailand have been far more shaping and molding than I was expecting...and the whole process of "re-entering" my realities here is a lot more challenging than I was ready for. There have been many changes that have taken place here since I've been gone. Although I'd love to go into detail on some of these things, I think it's better to keep them out of this public spot. Things just aren't easy anymore. I feel a little resistant to change in general, I fear.

Reverse culture shock really is unusual. You'd think that being in one culture all your life would instill things in you that a quick six-week adventure couldn't change. Regardless, I'm shocked by my urges to "wai" people and take off my shoes upon entering a home. I'm also a little disturbed by how much garbage we have here...as in literal garbage. In Thailand, we used very little paper products and today when I was in a public restroom, a woman wadded up ten paper towels to dry her hands. I don't know why this bothered me so much, but it really did. Lots of things are bothering me these days...

I was really bummed during one of our last days because I wrote this really long, elaborate post describing our final days in Thailand (when we ran a church camp) and the internet cafe wouldn't post it for whatever reason. Pretty much, Thai church camp was AMAZING. Approximately 40 people from Angsila (the slum town, remember?) came...most of whom are not Christians. Awesome things happened during those sessions and seminars. I think it was comparable to a retreat or conference, but I don't know for sure because our team's job was to run kid's club - the typical bible stories, snacks, crafts, songs, and memory verses. We had some really special kids come...you could just tell that some of them just wanted to be loved and hugged and receive attention from us. I fell in love with a few of them. One in particular, Mai, really won my heart. He was a bit of a trouble-maker, always running around when he should have been sitting and blabbering on in Thai about something when he should have been listening. I just really learned to love this little seven-year old and he really grew to love me too. By the end of the camp, he just wanted to do things to make me laugh. It was really cool to see him soften up and listen to the bible stories. I don't know his story and I don't know what kind of home he comes from, but it's not likely that I'll forget Mai and his spunky personality. I'm praying for that little guy!

Thai church camp was awesome for other reasons as well - 30 people from Angsila became Christians! The Christian population in that city tripled at least! Praise GOD!

As I'm recalling these things, it feels increasingly weird to not be there, celebrating with them. It feels strange to look at pictures as "memories" and "remember" things from the past. I want these things to stay fresh in my mind.

Debrief flew by. We rested and slept and ate a lot of western food at a beautiful retreat center in the mountains near Fresno. It's still not clear to me where we were exactly, but it felt good to be there before coming here and reunite with our friends from Peru, South Africa, and Mongolia. It sounds like God worked in all those places this summer through their trips. After some goodbyes and lots of parting hugs and prayers, I hopped on a plane and two flights later, I found myself waiting at Baggage Claim Carousel B with Dad and Doug.

Home doesn't feel like it yet. But I'll wait. And I'll look forward.

Because that's what I do.

To those of you who read this: thank you.

A line from Alexi Murdoch: Keep your head above the water, but don't forget to breathe.